So if you are the parent of a special needs child, there is no better time to join the Online Study of Autism’s Hidden Blessings starting TOMORROW.
Only a Few Days Left to Join the Study!
On Friday, I will close the study to new members so that we can delve into the book (and God’s Word) together. The online study area will be closed to the public so that we can share stories and discuss the book.
If you are still considering joining, please don’t hesitate. Time is running out!
Good question! Each week, we will be covering two chapters of the book. Also each week, I will be providing homework in a PDF format which will available for study members to download and complete. I know that many parents have a lot on their plates, so the homework will be light.
After completing the homework, login to the ONLINE STUDY AREA (Top Right on the menu bar) to view a short video from me providing some insight into the chapter as well as some opening comments. Then you will have an opportunity to comment, and share you own story and thoughts about the study. I’ll be jumping into the discussion with you.
Sound easy? It is! And for the next few days, you don’t even have to buy the book! There’s nothing to lose!
NOTE: Please understand that I cannot provide tech support for the Kindle apps. Instructions and support is provided on the Amazon page (see the above link). In order to focus on the study itself, I will not respond to tech support questions with regards to the Kindle. Please direct support questions to Amazon.com.
I’ve Already Signed Up! Where is my Login info?
I will send it out tonight to your email address using my provider, Mailchimp. Please check your spam folders if you see this message with your username and password. If for some reason you have not received your e-letter with the login information by tomorrow afternoon, just send and email to: info@kellylangston.com and let me know. I’ll send it back to you so you can get started.
Hello! 98 people have signed up for the first online study of Autism’s Hidden Blessings. I am so excited to get started on May 1st. It will be a journey to remember.
If you have signed up, in the next few days you will receive an e-newsletter with details about the study. If you haven’t signed up and are interested in participating, you can still sign up for now. Just click on the “Sign up for the 5/1 Study” link at the top of the right sidebar. There is no cost to participate in the online study.
Here’s a short video with additional information for you:
If you happen to be stopping over from Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Encouragement for Today devotional, I’m so glad you did. Proverbs 31 Ministries is a wonderful group of ladies, and I’m so blessed to know them. There’s so much that I’d like to share with you, especially if you are the loved one of a special needs child.
I’d like to tell you that being a special needs parent is easy—but if you are the mother or father of a such a child, you know that it’s not. More than anything, I’d wish I could give you a hug and tell you that God is very able to help you and your sweet child.
Not only is He able, but He desires to surround you with His strength, patience and love. He’s proven that love by giving us an inheritance of promises that we can count on to make it through the hard days.
Better still, God sent the very best advocate we could ever have for our child! This advocate is one that we don’t have to seek out. We won’t need to place a second (or third) mortgage on our house to afford His services. He knows everything about our child: their innermost thoughts, the words they say (or cannot say), and the structure of every cell in their body.
This advocate hears them when they cry and whispers comforts to them on long, restless nights. He is the voice that they do not have. The Peace that they seek. The arms that never tire, even when ours, as parents, do. He sits at the right hand of Almighty God and has His Father’s ear. He knows that we will encounter trials and hardships, but He has already overcome them, promising rest, guidance and wisdom when we need it.
Our Advocate—Jesus—longs to help you. I know, because He helped me, and He helped my son.
He was there when I’d had enough. He listened when I felt lost and alone in a crazy, messed up world with a child I didn’t know how to communicate with. When I would have given up, He promised a bettter day for my son … and for me.
I am convinced that God’s ears quicken to the sound of a troubled child’s cry. I know that He listens to every prayer that rises from the lips of a mother. I know that He is for us.
This is what I want to tell you: Our God,—and Jesus, our Advocate—are standing by. I want you to know that God will honor every promise, and I mean every promise, that Scripture gives to His children.
I want you to know that you can have joy again, overflowing, spilling out, and never running dry… if you will surrender your cares to Him. It won’t happen in a day, but trust me, it will happen.
The truth is that we are blessed to be the loved one of a special needs child. Blessed to experience the beauty of that love.
Yes, that what I wanted to tell you.
If you would like to know more about what the Bible has to say on the topic—and there is so much more—please consider joining my online study of Autism’s Hidden Blessings beginning May 1st. Simply add your name to the Online Study Signup in the sidebar. I will cover two chapters from the book each week starting May 1st.
Many fear that the new definitions of what is and what is not autism will prevent and exclude many children with high functioning autism from receiving services such as special education support. Expectations are that individuals diagnosed with asperger’s or PDD-NOS may be at risk for reduced or eliminated help.
Thanks to everyone who commented to win a copy of Lynn Cowell’s new book, His Revolutionary Love. I so wish I could give everyone a copy! While I can’t do that, I have decided to give out two copies instead of one. Even if you didn’t win, please consider ordering a copy from Proverbs 31 Ministries, where Lynn is a speaker. In fact, you can even download a sample chapter from Lynn’s own website: http://www.lynncowell.com/books/
Now, congratulations to the winners of a copy of Lynn’s book, HisRevolutionary Love. The winning commenters are:
Godchozn and Angela Sladovnik.
Please email your shipping address to me at: info@kellylangston.com. Thank you!
Boys are 4 times more likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls. (http://goo.gl/cZWVI).
That creates a common situation where there is a neurotypical daughter, a sibling of an autistic brother. My own family is an example of this situation.
On many occasions I hear from parents who worry that the majority of their attention goes to a child with autism while their other child, the autism sibling, receives less attention than they might need. To be honest, sometimes this is a necessity. Often, sisters of a child with autism are phenomenal girls, compassionate, strong, capable and loving. But they still have a need to feel special, honored, loved uniquely for who they are.
That’s why I have asked Lynn Cowell to guest post today. Lynn has been ministering to teen girls for 10 years, and has recently authored a book written to teen girls, His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You. I asked Lynn if she would be willing to share some her insight about how a parent might honor their daughters, the siblings of another child with autism. Lynn responded in minutes. As she says, ministering to teen girls is her passion.
As a special giveaway, I am giving away a signed copy of Lynn’s amazing book. Just leave a comment to enter and I’ll announce the winner on Monday morning, September 12th.
And now for Lynn’s guest post:
Six Ways to Build a Bridge to Your Girl’s Heart
Boys … how are they typically described? Rambunctious, loud, messy, insensitive. Then there are our girls. So often they are compassionate, strong, capable, even at times the backbone and heartbeat of our families.
Unlike you, I do not have a child who has autism, but my first born son did come with his own unique packaging. This has put my two daughters in places where they have had to step up and mature faster than I would have desired. Yes, God has used this to make them strong. As their mom, though, I want to be aware of my girls needs. They need to be told they are beautiful. They need to be reminded consistently that they are loved. Like a plant in the hot Carolina summer sun, they need to be poured into on a daily basis so that they flourish and blossom.
This is no easy task, especially when we have another child who needs are much more apparent. Yet, friend, we cannot mistake the quiet stability of our girls as their lack of need. They need us to build a bridge to their heart; connecting our heart to theirs.
Here are six ways that you can build a bridge to your daughter’s heart:
Be informed.
Be informed about what is happening in your girl’s world. What things make her anxious? A friendship? You know many times relationships with girls can be more complicated than boys! For over ten years I have been mentoring, speaking and writing to teen girls. Girls carry a lot of anxiety. They need to know being needy isn’t bad; that’s where God comes in! Much anxiety can be alleviated by simply by talking. Know your girl’s heart. When you do this, you say to your girl, “I care enough about you to learn your world.”
Be approachable.
Often what our girls need most from us is a safe place to talk. Recently, my daughter Madi was telling me about a friendship problem. I asked her, “Would you like me to just listen or do you want advice?” She said, “Just listen.”
An approachable parent responds instead of reacts. We should be thermostats instead of thermometers. Thermometers tell us the temperature of the house, a thermostat sets it. By responding instead of reacting we are setting the temperature of a safe place to be yourself and be heard.
Be available.
Slowing down is important so we can be there for our children. Different kids will be more vulnerable and open at different times. Think over your life and your schedule. How can you arrange things so that you can be available to your daughter to hear about her world, her heart and the things she is going through in her mind?
Be vulnerable.
Pouring into teen girls has been one of the Lord’s greatest gifts to me. These girls would say, “I wish I could talk to my mom like I can talk to you.” Or, “I wish my mom would tell me things about when she was growing up.” It is important to share with our girls the things we struggled with when we were their age. Of course, we need to do so as the Holy Spirit directs us and as it appropriate for their age, but our kids need to hear from us our struggles, our victories and our falls. When your child is struggling have you shared some of your stories with her? Does your child realize that you, too, struggle?
Be her discipler. This is our chance to share with our girls what the Lord has done for us by going through His word with them. This can take place in two ways: informally and formally. Informally, I look for opportunities to tell my kids what Jesus is doing in my life. In the car, going for a walk or having a snack, I share how the Word helps solve problems.
Formally, when my kids are eating their breakfast, I read God’s Word to them. I also have a small group for my youngest daughter and five of her ninth grade friends. Every other week we get together to do a Bible study and learn more about Jesus and his love for them. By following a formal format, I am reassured that we will have a pre-set time to read and study His Word together.
Be willing to speak truth.
When your girl is looking in the mirror and lamenting over that zit on her forehead, remind her that Jesus says in Psalm 45:11: “The king is enthralled by your beauty.” When she feels rejected because everyone else has a boyfriend and she doesn’t, speak that truth “I am my lover’s and he is mine!” (Song of Solomon 2:16). When she wishes for a bigger chest and a smaller waist, speak to her, “You are altogether beautiful my darling and there is no blemish in you.” Your girl needs to know that the love she needs can never come from a guy – they just don’t have what it take; but Jesus has all she needs and then some!
Remember:
You are the vessel, my friend, that the Lord can use pour the truth of unconditional love into your girl. Fill up and then pour out!
Lynn Cowell is a speaker and writer with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives in North Carolina with her husband of 24 years and her three teenage children. She has just released of her first book “His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You”; a study for young women. She loves sushi, well worn sweatshirts and anything that combines chocolate and peanut butter. You can access free resources for you and your girl at www.LynnCowell.com.
Tomorrow, I’m giving away a book by my friend Lynn Cowell, author of His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You. Her amazing book shows teen girls how a relationship with Jesus can meet their deepest desire-from the need for identity & significance to being seen by someone as beautiful.
I’ve asked Lynn to guest post because there are so many sisters who live with a brother with autism. Parents of children with autism, who have so much on our plates, can sometimes overlook the needs of these precious sibling daughters, especially when they seem to be doing well! (I’m personally guilty of this.)
If you have a teen girl (or know one,) stop by my blog tomorrow and leave a comment. I’ll select one winner & send Lynn’s book to you!
Could the first part of the title of this post possibly be any more depressing? I might as well have called it, “A Visit from the Grim Reaper”.
Growing up, I don’t really recall the desire to be a mom. It was because I wasn’t sure I would be any good at it… and low and behold, some days I am not. (Smiles.) Poor Beau and Brynna, my children, but thank God for a wonderful Daddy…YOU GO PAUL!
Although I didn’t have this longing, the elation I had when I found out we were pregnant with our first child, Beau (as well as the 2nd time with Brynn), took away any doubt about my reservations of becoming a parent.
If I am honest, when we have children (by birth or adoption), we sometimes impress our own dreams — dreams that have gone by or been lost — upon them. If we are “lucky”, they may carry the passion for something that we did in our youth, or perhaps go in a direction that amazes us and surpasses anything we could have dreamed up for them or ourselves.
For some parents, though, it seems that some of our dreams go unfulfilled in our children. I know that must sound selfish, right? Please bear with me.
When Beau began showing signs of autism, both Paul and I had more emotions than we knew what to do with. When he was diagnosed, although it was a relief to put a name to his perplexing behavior, we realized that many of the dreams we had for our son may never come to fruition.
Some thoughts that haunted us were:
Will he fit in with other kids?
Will he have trouble in school?
Will he ever play sports?
Will he have the ability to learn?
Will he ever be potty trained?
Will he graduate from high school?
Will he be able to go to college?
Will he get married?
Will he ever be able to work full-time?
Will he be able to live on his own?
Who would take care of him if something should happen to us?
Some of those questions may seem petty, however they were very real feelings for us. Perhaps a dream that you once had was not in God’s plan for your life, and if so, then you completely understand what I am saying.
I have had the absolute honor of speaking with a young mom, Whitney. She and her husband recently had their third child (another BOY!!). This joy has been somewhat clouded by issues they are facing with their oldest son. When we spoke for the first time, our stories were eerily similar…tantrums, peculiar behaviors/quirks, lack of social skills and so on. Although her son did not have a diagnosis, I was pretty sure by her description that our sons shared the same fate: autism. This was confirmed when he received a formal diagnosis. I wish autism on no family! Paul and I know the struggles and heartache it can bring.
For me, I honestly try to find the blessings. As Beau’s mom, looking for the unseen blessing in autism helps me cope with the reality of dreams unrealized: often times societal dreams parents may have for kids.
I know that were it not for autism, I may not have the love and compassion for many other things. It is from our experience with Beau that I can say that.
Paul and I truly have seen LOVE, nurturing and so much more out of that diagnosis.
This love comes from the people that have worked with Beau, from Beau himself, from our families, and especially our sweet girl Brynn. (Smiles.) Have we seen the stares, heard the ugly comments and felt a lack of understanding? Yep, we’ve seen all of that. However the good has far outweighed the bad!
When Whitney told me of their diagnosis, though I was saddened, I knew it wasn’t a death sentence. The news could be so much worse. It took me back to the way Paul and I felt so many years before. Whitney had a right to grieve this news. That’s her baby!! We, too, had our share of feelings of anger and confusion (and sometimes we still do)!
It’s almost like we mourned the thought of a “normal” existence for Beau, and for us, too. The thing, at least for right now, is that Beau’s existence is completely normal to him. He is a 10 year old, often blissfully happy, fun-loving little boy.
We are the ones with crazy dreams for him. (Smiles.) He hates sports, and it would be cruel and unusual punishment for us to make him even try them. This summer while on vacation, Beau approached the sales rack at a Nike store and picked up a shirt he knew was made for him, it read, “You are a sports blooper
waiting to happen.” Praise God that we can laugh over some of these thoughts now, 6 years after our diagnosis.
I don’t think I ever prayed that God would take autism away from Beau. Paul may have, but I’m not sure. The reason I wouldn’t is this:
We could all learn a few lessons from Beau Rafferty.
Beau is honest (to a fault…LOL), he makes no judgements (at least he doesn’t verbalize them), he has an amazing sense of humor (WOO-HOO), and he is a WONDERFUL big brother to Brynn (and she likewise is a terrific sister!).
After seeing all those wonderful attributes, what more could Paul and I have dreamed for our son? Though autism wasn’t something Paul and I planned for…God did!
As I become closer to the Lord, I have seen and used many verses in our blog, in our book and in our life, but when I think of rearing our children, only ONE comes to mind. I’m thankful because God uses this verse with Paul and I whenever things in our life, as it relates to Beau, become difficult for us to handle. Today I share this favorite, a verse loved by many:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
– Jeremiah 29:11
I now realize that it’s not for Paul or me to know Beau’s plan — we will leave it to the One who created Beau.
Here is a little something that blessed me whenever I am worried about Brynna or Beau: I inserted both of their names where it says “you” in Scripture: ”For I know the plans I have for you, Brynna, declares the LORD….” Talk about assurance!
This verse is often used as a reassurance for our own lives and walk with God, but I have chosen to also use it when I worry about the “lost dreams” for my kids. The verse reminds me that there is NO such thing as a lost dream! There is a plan at work — a plan to prosper them (spiritually) and give them MORE than any earthly parent could ever dream!!!!
Just because Beau has autism, Paul and I still have the responsibility, as followers of Christ, to plant the seeds of faith through our daily living. It is up to me to know what Beau understands and what he doesn’t. It’s God who grants wisdom through understanding.
I don’t have a crystal ball and don’t need one as a child of God! His word speaks my future when I remain in Him. His word speaks a future for my children if they remain in Him also!
It’s the death of our old dreams (without Him) that is exactly what must happen for us to get one step closer to the fulfilling life that He has in store for us!
I pray for you today: Perhaps there have been dreams that have died in your life or in the lives of your children. I insert YOUR name into Jeremiah 29:11 and let HIM reassure you. Though trials will come, our hope lies in the overall plan for our future. When we LET him, we can live a life far more blessed and peaceful than anything we could have ever “dreamed” up. (Smiles.)
About Jaime:
Jaime Rafferty has a degree in speech communication. She has worked in public health for ten years, and she currently co-hosts a local television show. She enjoys speaking publicly about autism and how it has impacted the Rafferty family. Jaime and her family live in Kentucky. You can connect with Jaime on her blog at: http://findingtherightpiece.blogspot.com.
I am happy to to post this essay, a Special Guest Post, by Katie Ragsdale, a sibling to a brother with autism. I love Katie’s theme of ” acceptance, optimism, and the ability to look beyond the ‘book cover’ of a child.” Here is Katie’s essay:
For as long as I can remember, a poem has been hanging on my refrigerator; I read it every morning before I grab my apple. It says:
“Blessed are you who stand beside us as we enter new and untried ventures,
for our failures will be outweighed
by the times we surprise ourselves and you.”
It is in human nature to judge a book by its cover: to underestimate those for whom we have formed preconceptions. I have learned throughout my six years of being a volunteer counselor at Special Camp for Special Kids to defy this universal truth. In an environment where everyone is viewed equally, regardless of intellect, physical ability, or emotional stability, I have matured in many ways far beyond my years. As a spokesperson for this particular camp, I preach acceptance, optimism, and the ability to look beyond the “book cover” of a child who might be physically or mentally challenged or both.
My younger brother, Jim, was diagnosed with autism at age two. I didn’t quite understand what that meant when I was younger, all I knew was that he had “helpers” come in every day, got to take longer baths than me, and our mom would read books to him before he went to sleep years after I was reading Harry Potter on my own. I never quite understood why people would stare at the grocery store; make comments in passing at the park, or request different classrooms at school.
Our world is laden with abnormalities; who is a stranger to judge what is normal and what isn’t? My brother is one of the happiest, smartest and most carefree people I know- last time I checked those were qualities to be desired, not judged. Some refer to Jim as the “human GPS”, for he can give you directions to the middle-of-nowhere Arkansas as long as he’s been there once in his lifetime. Others call him “The Mayor” to honor his passion for social greetings. His autism doesn’t change anything, and as he enters his sophomore year of high school, he has developed into a brilliant person. I always have and always will love my brother and see him as an equal, but the rest of the world won’t, just because his brain functions a little differently.
It wasn’t until the summer before my 8th grade when my family discovered an environment where there was no “judging a book by its cover” theme: Special Camp for Special Kids. From that summer on, Jim and I would participate in camp for a week, me being a counselor and Jim a camper. Each counselor is paired up with a camper with special needs. Sure, it is a week where normally functioning teenagers give back and help the community, but most of the counselors know that they’re the truly fortunate ones. Special camp is merely one week, yet it has the potential to build memories that will last a lifetime. I look forward to that one week every year, and I will continue to do it far beyond high school.
Programs like Special Camp and Best Buddies have greatly influenced what occupation I wish to pursue in the future. Special Camp for Special Kids has challenged me to be the most accepting and patient person I could ever be, to ignore the stares of judgmental people and most importantly, to realize that a wheelchair or medical diagnosis doesn’t inhibit one from doing anything they set their mind to.
Have you ever felt that you’ll never fit in or find your place? Have you stood at a window–palms pressed to glass–looking into the place where you want to be, seeing people there but knowing you don’t have access? Waiting for a door to open that seems forever locked?
Knocking on that door, are you answered with words that you are:
Under-qualified Not Experienced
Not Welcomed
Too Old, Too Young
We’ve all been there. You could be in a place of unemployment, or maybe you’ve been locked out of a particular social circle. You could be unable to advance in your career or in the fight of your life for a better relationship. There are times when it seems we are locked out of the place we want to be.
If you feel like you will never get there, let me share with you a story, one that I hope will encourage you to look for the promise of God’s favor in your own life despite the circumstances:
Here’s the story:
Each week about a year or so ago, I met with a sweet friend to share coffee, encouragement and prayer. We were both treading water in a sea of financial stress. She had been looking for work for more than a year, and I was struggling to keep my family encouraged as my husband’s business faltered with no new projects on the horizon.
We had been meeting for months to share scriptures and hope with each other. When one of us couldn’t go another (seemingly) hopeless day, the other would speak a gentle word and share a promise from scripture. Make no mistake, it was a dark time and to this day we are still shaking the muck and mire from our feet.
But on one particularly distressing day, my friend and I sat in the coffee shop at a table adjacent to a glass window. Our table was drizzled with coffee, tea and more than a few tears of frustration. My friend had been rejected for yet another job, and my husband was so discouraged that I felt helpless.
Then God showed up.
In the ugliness of that moment, two beautiful pure white doves flew down to our coffee shop window and perched on the window frame by our table. Startled, we watched as the doves pecked at the window for about five minutes, almost as if to get our attention. We were speechless, watching these two beautiful white birds only an inch away from us, pecking on the glass. Then, just as suddenly as they came, they flew away.
I have never again seen a white dove in nature, and in fact, I don’t recall seeing one before that day. Oh, I have seen pigeons, and I’ve seen grey doves–but never a white dove. And certainly not two doves.
Think what you may, but here’s the reason why I am sharing this story: If you feel discouraged like I did, then God has a message for you today, the same one He sent to me at the coffee shop. His message is this:
You, my child, are greatly favored.
You are greatly valued.
I know where you are, and I see your situation.
I AM El Roi, the God Who Sees!
I am with you, and I will see you through this storm.
When you are met with discouragement due to whatever situation you face, you need to know that God’s favor rests on you even when it seems like the world stands against us. Satan will come to us in times of trial, whispering, “Where is your God now? Has He forgotten you?”
Take heart. He has NOT forgotten you! Remember that you are a favored child, even in times such as these. In fact, we need to remember God’s favor especially in the dark times! Satan would have us forget… and lose the battle.
Here’s what I want to leave you with…it is not our battle. It’s God’s battle. He will be victorious.
I’ll leave you with the words of Christ in the temple as He stepped into His great mission of salvation. Jesus unrolled the scroll of Isaiah and read these words:
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Luke 4:16-19
Remember, if you are in Christ….then you have the Lord’s favor. Live in that favor!
Comments from Readers … or your turn to talk!