Hello! 98 people have signed up for the first online study of Autism’s Hidden Blessings. I am so excited to get started on May 1st. It will be a journey to remember.
If you have signed up, in the next few days you will receive an e-newsletter with details about the study. If you haven’t signed up and are interested in participating, you can still sign up for now. Just click on the “Sign up for the 5/1 Study” link at the top of the right sidebar. There is no cost to participate in the online study.
Here’s a short video with additional information for you:
Sitting in Easter service yesterday, my thoughts were swirling inside. Words for a blog post I should have posted yesterday.
I didn’t. Instead, I chose to spend the day with my family.
Even so, the words remained with me throughout the day. When the words swirl inside, my two choices are to write them down and send them out, or to keep them to myself. The second option is the usually the safest one. No threat of being wrong with Option Number 2. Keep your thoughts to yourself. But today, I’m choosing Option Number 1. Maybe in these words, you will find comfort:
What follows is the post I should have written yesterday:
It’s Easter Sunday, and I am celebrating the Resurrection. The celebration is always special, no doubt. The ethereal songs, the smiles from friends. “He is Risen,” they say. He is Risen, indeed. What is an impossible story to some, a fable to others, to me, it’s the foundation on which my faith is built.
But why? Why does the Resurrection really matter?
There is something so much more to the Resurrection. More than the spring dresses, the colored eggs, and family gatherings. It goes much deeper than those superficial things:
It’s only in the Resurrection that the pain and sorrows of this world finally make sense.
Why does God allows so many sorrows in life? That problem of that question is the number one reason why people turn from God. Think about it: Autism. Disabilities. Financial chaos. Betrayals. A good God would not allow such suffering. Right?
And yet, this is the one misconception about the Christian walk. Scripture never promised that life would be easy for Christians. Instead, Jesus Himself said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV 1984
People can say a lot about God. An non-believer can look at the example that imperfect Christians (myself very much included) present and find good reasons to refuse to follow Jesus. I urge people to not to follow other Christians, (again, myself included) but follow CHRIST. His example. His words. His teachings.
Only in Christ can we truly discover the essence and of true Christianity. Only in Jesus’ example—in His life and Words—can faith stand up to the onslaught of life’s difficulties.
People can say many things about the Jesus of the Bible. But they can never say that He fails to understand our sufferings, the pain of life. That is why God sent Jesus. He wanted us to know that He’s is with us, our Emmanuel, or “God with Us”, when life is too hard. God Himself, in the body of Jesus, felt our pain, endured our betrayals, and suffered not only our death, but a death that was humiliating and unjust. He understands our grief.
This is where the Resurrection matters. In the Resurrection, we find hope in the face of grief. We find an end to senseless pain. We find the joy that is promised, a complete and never-ending joy that no one, no person or situation in life can ever take away:
“I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”
In the Resurrection, we find victory over our pain:
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
The Resurrection makes this true. Nothing can separate us from God’s love. Because of it, we are conquerors instead of victims.
Nature Points to the Resurrection
Even if you never open the pages of Scripture, you can discover glimpses of the Resurrection around us. It can be seen in the caterpillar as it stills and shrouds itself in a papery cocoon only to be transformed to a glorious new life. And in the dry seed that is covered with earth, buried in the ground, that comes to life in the Spring. A tiny, dry and dead seed can be transformed to a strong tree providing shelter and life to birds and other animals.
What science can reproduce these things? With all of our knowledge, can we mix the cocktail of chemicals, the molecular structure of life, and produce that life? No. The essence of life remains a mystery. We admit that. Why, then, is it so difficult to believe in the mystery of the Resurrection? We see such miracles before our very eyes.
The Resurrection is Hope
Why am I writing this today? Because the Resurrection is our hope.
I find suffering around me everywhere, everyday. Horrible, unjust, painful suffering for believers and non-believers alike. I hate it. It makes me cry out to God, why, Lord, why?
Thanks to the Resurrection, I have found great comfort in knowing that this is not the end of the story. That death and suffering were defeated when Jesus stepped out of the tomb on Sunday morning. Just as the seed waits in the ground to spring forth with life, and as Jesus’ body rested on cold stone, so we are waiting to see the end of suffering forever. We are simply waiting. For the light that is coming. For the life that is promised.
Wherever you are, whatever you are dealing with today, my prayer is that in some way, you see a glimpse of the Resurrection today. In a brightly colored flower that bursts to greet the sun, or in a touch of the Son’s warmth on your skin after a long, hard winter. My prayer is that the Resurrection will become a real hope for you today.
Boys are 4 times more likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls. (http://goo.gl/cZWVI).
That creates a common situation where there is a neurotypical daughter, a sibling of an autistic brother. My own family is an example of this situation.
On many occasions I hear from parents who worry that the majority of their attention goes to a child with autism while their other child, the autism sibling, receives less attention than they might need. To be honest, sometimes this is a necessity. Often, sisters of a child with autism are phenomenal girls, compassionate, strong, capable and loving. But they still have a need to feel special, honored, loved uniquely for who they are.
That’s why I have asked Lynn Cowell to guest post today. Lynn has been ministering to teen girls for 10 years, and has recently authored a book written to teen girls, His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You. I asked Lynn if she would be willing to share some her insight about how a parent might honor their daughters, the siblings of another child with autism. Lynn responded in minutes. As she says, ministering to teen girls is her passion.
As a special giveaway, I am giving away a signed copy of Lynn’s amazing book. Just leave a comment to enter and I’ll announce the winner on Monday morning, September 12th.
And now for Lynn’s guest post:
Six Ways to Build a Bridge to Your Girl’s Heart
Boys … how are they typically described? Rambunctious, loud, messy, insensitive. Then there are our girls. So often they are compassionate, strong, capable, even at times the backbone and heartbeat of our families.
Unlike you, I do not have a child who has autism, but my first born son did come with his own unique packaging. This has put my two daughters in places where they have had to step up and mature faster than I would have desired. Yes, God has used this to make them strong. As their mom, though, I want to be aware of my girls needs. They need to be told they are beautiful. They need to be reminded consistently that they are loved. Like a plant in the hot Carolina summer sun, they need to be poured into on a daily basis so that they flourish and blossom.
This is no easy task, especially when we have another child who needs are much more apparent. Yet, friend, we cannot mistake the quiet stability of our girls as their lack of need. They need us to build a bridge to their heart; connecting our heart to theirs.
Here are six ways that you can build a bridge to your daughter’s heart:
Be informed.
Be informed about what is happening in your girl’s world. What things make her anxious? A friendship? You know many times relationships with girls can be more complicated than boys! For over ten years I have been mentoring, speaking and writing to teen girls. Girls carry a lot of anxiety. They need to know being needy isn’t bad; that’s where God comes in! Much anxiety can be alleviated by simply by talking. Know your girl’s heart. When you do this, you say to your girl, “I care enough about you to learn your world.”
Be approachable.
Often what our girls need most from us is a safe place to talk. Recently, my daughter Madi was telling me about a friendship problem. I asked her, “Would you like me to just listen or do you want advice?” She said, “Just listen.”
An approachable parent responds instead of reacts. We should be thermostats instead of thermometers. Thermometers tell us the temperature of the house, a thermostat sets it. By responding instead of reacting we are setting the temperature of a safe place to be yourself and be heard.
Be available.
Slowing down is important so we can be there for our children. Different kids will be more vulnerable and open at different times. Think over your life and your schedule. How can you arrange things so that you can be available to your daughter to hear about her world, her heart and the things she is going through in her mind?
Be vulnerable.
Pouring into teen girls has been one of the Lord’s greatest gifts to me. These girls would say, “I wish I could talk to my mom like I can talk to you.” Or, “I wish my mom would tell me things about when she was growing up.” It is important to share with our girls the things we struggled with when we were their age. Of course, we need to do so as the Holy Spirit directs us and as it appropriate for their age, but our kids need to hear from us our struggles, our victories and our falls. When your child is struggling have you shared some of your stories with her? Does your child realize that you, too, struggle?
Be her discipler. This is our chance to share with our girls what the Lord has done for us by going through His word with them. This can take place in two ways: informally and formally. Informally, I look for opportunities to tell my kids what Jesus is doing in my life. In the car, going for a walk or having a snack, I share how the Word helps solve problems.
Formally, when my kids are eating their breakfast, I read God’s Word to them. I also have a small group for my youngest daughter and five of her ninth grade friends. Every other week we get together to do a Bible study and learn more about Jesus and his love for them. By following a formal format, I am reassured that we will have a pre-set time to read and study His Word together.
Be willing to speak truth.
When your girl is looking in the mirror and lamenting over that zit on her forehead, remind her that Jesus says in Psalm 45:11: “The king is enthralled by your beauty.” When she feels rejected because everyone else has a boyfriend and she doesn’t, speak that truth “I am my lover’s and he is mine!” (Song of Solomon 2:16). When she wishes for a bigger chest and a smaller waist, speak to her, “You are altogether beautiful my darling and there is no blemish in you.” Your girl needs to know that the love she needs can never come from a guy – they just don’t have what it take; but Jesus has all she needs and then some!
Remember:
You are the vessel, my friend, that the Lord can use pour the truth of unconditional love into your girl. Fill up and then pour out!
Lynn Cowell is a speaker and writer with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She lives in North Carolina with her husband of 24 years and her three teenage children. She has just released of her first book “His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You”; a study for young women. She loves sushi, well worn sweatshirts and anything that combines chocolate and peanut butter. You can access free resources for you and your girl at www.LynnCowell.com.
Could the first part of the title of this post possibly be any more depressing? I might as well have called it, “A Visit from the Grim Reaper”.
Growing up, I don’t really recall the desire to be a mom. It was because I wasn’t sure I would be any good at it… and low and behold, some days I am not. (Smiles.) Poor Beau and Brynna, my children, but thank God for a wonderful Daddy…YOU GO PAUL!
Although I didn’t have this longing, the elation I had when I found out we were pregnant with our first child, Beau (as well as the 2nd time with Brynn), took away any doubt about my reservations of becoming a parent.
If I am honest, when we have children (by birth or adoption), we sometimes impress our own dreams — dreams that have gone by or been lost — upon them. If we are “lucky”, they may carry the passion for something that we did in our youth, or perhaps go in a direction that amazes us and surpasses anything we could have dreamed up for them or ourselves.
For some parents, though, it seems that some of our dreams go unfulfilled in our children. I know that must sound selfish, right? Please bear with me.
When Beau began showing signs of autism, both Paul and I had more emotions than we knew what to do with. When he was diagnosed, although it was a relief to put a name to his perplexing behavior, we realized that many of the dreams we had for our son may never come to fruition.
Some thoughts that haunted us were:
Will he fit in with other kids?
Will he have trouble in school?
Will he ever play sports?
Will he have the ability to learn?
Will he ever be potty trained?
Will he graduate from high school?
Will he be able to go to college?
Will he get married?
Will he ever be able to work full-time?
Will he be able to live on his own?
Who would take care of him if something should happen to us?
Some of those questions may seem petty, however they were very real feelings for us. Perhaps a dream that you once had was not in God’s plan for your life, and if so, then you completely understand what I am saying.
I have had the absolute honor of speaking with a young mom, Whitney. She and her husband recently had their third child (another BOY!!). This joy has been somewhat clouded by issues they are facing with their oldest son. When we spoke for the first time, our stories were eerily similar…tantrums, peculiar behaviors/quirks, lack of social skills and so on. Although her son did not have a diagnosis, I was pretty sure by her description that our sons shared the same fate: autism. This was confirmed when he received a formal diagnosis. I wish autism on no family! Paul and I know the struggles and heartache it can bring.
For me, I honestly try to find the blessings. As Beau’s mom, looking for the unseen blessing in autism helps me cope with the reality of dreams unrealized: often times societal dreams parents may have for kids.
I know that were it not for autism, I may not have the love and compassion for many other things. It is from our experience with Beau that I can say that.
Paul and I truly have seen LOVE, nurturing and so much more out of that diagnosis.
This love comes from the people that have worked with Beau, from Beau himself, from our families, and especially our sweet girl Brynn. (Smiles.) Have we seen the stares, heard the ugly comments and felt a lack of understanding? Yep, we’ve seen all of that. However the good has far outweighed the bad!
When Whitney told me of their diagnosis, though I was saddened, I knew it wasn’t a death sentence. The news could be so much worse. It took me back to the way Paul and I felt so many years before. Whitney had a right to grieve this news. That’s her baby!! We, too, had our share of feelings of anger and confusion (and sometimes we still do)!
It’s almost like we mourned the thought of a “normal” existence for Beau, and for us, too. The thing, at least for right now, is that Beau’s existence is completely normal to him. He is a 10 year old, often blissfully happy, fun-loving little boy.
We are the ones with crazy dreams for him. (Smiles.) He hates sports, and it would be cruel and unusual punishment for us to make him even try them. This summer while on vacation, Beau approached the sales rack at a Nike store and picked up a shirt he knew was made for him, it read, “You are a sports blooper
waiting to happen.” Praise God that we can laugh over some of these thoughts now, 6 years after our diagnosis.
I don’t think I ever prayed that God would take autism away from Beau. Paul may have, but I’m not sure. The reason I wouldn’t is this:
We could all learn a few lessons from Beau Rafferty.
Beau is honest (to a fault…LOL), he makes no judgements (at least he doesn’t verbalize them), he has an amazing sense of humor (WOO-HOO), and he is a WONDERFUL big brother to Brynn (and she likewise is a terrific sister!).
After seeing all those wonderful attributes, what more could Paul and I have dreamed for our son? Though autism wasn’t something Paul and I planned for…God did!
As I become closer to the Lord, I have seen and used many verses in our blog, in our book and in our life, but when I think of rearing our children, only ONE comes to mind. I’m thankful because God uses this verse with Paul and I whenever things in our life, as it relates to Beau, become difficult for us to handle. Today I share this favorite, a verse loved by many:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
– Jeremiah 29:11
I now realize that it’s not for Paul or me to know Beau’s plan — we will leave it to the One who created Beau.
Here is a little something that blessed me whenever I am worried about Brynna or Beau: I inserted both of their names where it says “you” in Scripture: ”For I know the plans I have for you, Brynna, declares the LORD….” Talk about assurance!
This verse is often used as a reassurance for our own lives and walk with God, but I have chosen to also use it when I worry about the “lost dreams” for my kids. The verse reminds me that there is NO such thing as a lost dream! There is a plan at work — a plan to prosper them (spiritually) and give them MORE than any earthly parent could ever dream!!!!
Just because Beau has autism, Paul and I still have the responsibility, as followers of Christ, to plant the seeds of faith through our daily living. It is up to me to know what Beau understands and what he doesn’t. It’s God who grants wisdom through understanding.
I don’t have a crystal ball and don’t need one as a child of God! His word speaks my future when I remain in Him. His word speaks a future for my children if they remain in Him also!
It’s the death of our old dreams (without Him) that is exactly what must happen for us to get one step closer to the fulfilling life that He has in store for us!
I pray for you today: Perhaps there have been dreams that have died in your life or in the lives of your children. I insert YOUR name into Jeremiah 29:11 and let HIM reassure you. Though trials will come, our hope lies in the overall plan for our future. When we LET him, we can live a life far more blessed and peaceful than anything we could have ever “dreamed” up. (Smiles.)
About Jaime:
Jaime Rafferty has a degree in speech communication. She has worked in public health for ten years, and she currently co-hosts a local television show. She enjoys speaking publicly about autism and how it has impacted the Rafferty family. Jaime and her family live in Kentucky. You can connect with Jaime on her blog at: http://findingtherightpiece.blogspot.com.
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
Interesting Biblical References to Fig Trees:
THE PROMISED LAND:Deuteronomy 8:8 describes the promised land as “a land of wheat and barley, and vines and fig-trees and pomegranates.”
HEALTH AND RESTORATION:1 Samuel 30:11-12 mentions the medicinal value of figs: “Along the way they found an Egyptian man in a field and brought him to David. They gave him some bread to eat and water to drink. They also gave him part of a fig cake and two clusters of raisins, for he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink for three days and nights. Before long his strength returned.”
What do you desire, in the deepest, most sacred place of
your heart, that you haven’t dared to ask God to grant you?
No, I’m not talking about a basic need here. I’m talking about so much more than that. Something so impossibly wonderful that you can’t bear to consider it as a reality for your life, and yet, that’s exactly what I want you to do right now.
Close your eyes with me for a moment and ask God to bring that secret dream to mind. Become a child again — without the consequences of reality to stop you — and allow that vision to float to the surface.
Do you see it? What is your dream?
Did you know that the most sacred of dreams are given to us by God Himself? Yes, God — Who places a purpose on the life of every one of His children and Who gifts each uniquely according to that purpose — also gives us a unique dream. Some call it a calling, or a life mission. Sadly, only a few actually discover that dream and achieve it.
For most of us that special dream stays hidden in the secret places of our hearts and minds. Why?
The Bible gives us a glimpse of why in a story found in 2 Kings 4:8-36. It’s a story about a a wealthy women from the town of Shunem who opened her home to Elisha, the great prophet of God. Because of her generosity, Elisha offered her an opportunity to grant her heart’s desire.
Think hard for a minute with me. What if God were to offer you the same opportunity? Would you ask Him for the thing that you want more than anything? Before you answer yes, think hard here. Would you really ask God for something so impossibly big? Would you really trust God to give you the one thing that would light up your life?
Or….would you be afraid that He would decline
such an extreme request?
Would you doubt that God could really grant such an awesome request? Wonder if the obstacles would be too great for God? Or maybe you think that God doesn’t “do miracles” these days? And worse, would you doubt that God cared enough for you personally to say yes? Would you become so vulnerable as to ask God to grant your deepest desire?
If so, what if God said no? Where would that leave you?
Hurt and rejected.
Surprisingly, the women from Shumen didn’t take up Elisha’s amazing offer either. Oh, she had a dream, alright. A dream that she had wrapped up tightly and tucked away for good. Her dream was to have a son. She knew the odds were stacked against her. Time was passing and the story tells us us that her husband was old. You see, this sweet lady had given up on her dream to become a mother. She believed it was too much to ask of God.
So when Elisha asked if there was anything he could do for her, she pasted on a fake smile and hid her deep desire:
“No,” she relied, “my family takes good care of me.” 2 Kings 4:13 NLT
But God allowed Elisha to look beyond her phony smile and see a glimpse of her secret dream. Yes, God wanted to do much more for this women than she dared to ask.
Elisha, seeing her secret desire, prophesied that she would be holding a son in her arms by next year. Her response gives us insight into the fear that plagues us all: that when we offer God our wildest dream – the one we are afraid to even disclose to others – that He will turn His back on us.
“No, my lord!” she cried. ”O man of God, don’t deceive me and get my hopes up like that.” 2 Kings 4:16 NLT
Exactly! How many times do we, like this woman, fail to ask God to grant that amazing dream that He planted in our hearts? Aren’t we all afraid that God will reject us? Indeed, Satan would have us to believe that God would never grant us our dreams, especially when that dream is God-given!
God wants to do MORE than we dare ask! His eyes continually search for the one who will become vulnerable enough to ask Him for the impossible. God has given His children special dreams, and God is ready to empower us to use it for His kingdom.
So my question to you today is: what is YOUR dream? Are you ready to ASK God for it?
Do you have a question about living a life based on God’s promises? Or, do you have a special promise that you would like to share that has impacted your life in a significant way? If so, I want to hear from you!
Post a comment to share your question or special story! Watch this quick video for more:
I peered from my bedroom window into the ominous gloom of a storm that had blown into my hometown of Charlotte, NC.
The sky grumbled with thunder and the wind whistled through the trees in my backyard. Awed by the storm’s might, I watched as branches rose and fell sharply, the wind plucking leaves from tree limbs to send them dancing through the air. Dangerous flashes of lightning lit the sky.
So it is in my own life right now, I thought as a sharp burst of lightning cracked overhead causing the foundations of our home to tremble.
In these hard economic times, our future is as dark and ominous as this storm.
I winced at the memory of the uneasy expression my husband carried home each night for over two years now. Day after day, he chased new development projects–projects that had all but disappeared in the dwindling housing and development market–as a harsh economic storm rolled across America. Over the course of time we watched this financial tempest pluck away the simplest of comforts of life, comforts that we once took for granted.
The economic storm had taken away all but the necessities of life. Gone was our cable television subscription. We no longer scheduled weekend trips or vacations, and money for new clothing was a struggle. Our children did not attend piano lessons or sports camps. We struggled to find money for dental visits and medications for our autistic son, Alec. We paid off our car debt on our two old cars and watched as the mileage on our old van crept well above the 170,000 mile mark. We were one major car repair bill away from going under.
As our family teetered on the edge of financial ruin, we prayed, watched and waited to see if God’s promises were true. Could we really depend on Him to sustain us in the storm?
Peering out of my window, my eyes fell to an impossibly tiny shape perched solidly at the end of a branch: a hummingbird. I watched as it swayed and pitched with the violent wind, but not once did it stagger or stumble.
Incredible! How does that miniature bird remain standing on that branch in these winds? As I watched the bird, I heard His answer:
I AM the God Who even the winds obey! Just as I hold this hummingbird, I also hold fast to you! So do not fear the storm. Know that I AM with you, even in the midst of it!
Oh sweet Jesus, help us to remember how powerful You are! May we never forget that you are faithful to Your promise to care and sustain us through the biggest storms of life!
He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”
Have you ever received an inheritance? Would you like to? What if I told you that there is an inheritance at this moment, prepared for all of God’s children? Would you like to know what it is?
I’m not talking about an inheritance for some distant day. I’m talking about an inheritance that God intends for His children to use right now.
Check back in tomorrow for exciting details that all of God’s children need to know!
Comments from Readers … or your turn to talk!